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Some of the stories, however, are mine — but now you'll never know which ones insert evil laugh here! Please don't hate me for it, but I don't know what bra size I take.

  • As per usual, not one of them fit perfectly; they were either pinching or gaping, or you know, is there a term for a boob muffin-top? It also had the added bonus of keeping my belly under control and making.

  • I thanked the lady and politely pretended to inspect the options until she was out of sight and then I high-tailed it out of there.

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So off I went to a specialist underwear shop and came home with a bodysuit that buttoned at the crotch and was invisible everywhere I needed it to be.

  • It still makes me laugh if I think back on it, and you know what? I still take my bra off like that.

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